What was that I never understood you say?

Meaningful communication is a fundamental component of relationships that last.

Husbands and wives must maintain verbal interaction, but communication is NOT easy. Anyone who has been married for longer than a year will testify that communication isn’t easy. Men and women just do not think, talk, or share the same way. Husbands and wives can equally acknowledge, “I know you think you understand what you heard me say, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

Marital interaction should include:

• Talking daily and openly,
• Encouragement, compliments, and courtesy,
• Disclosure of perspective, judgments, and ideas,
• Sharing of feelings, dreams, and fears.

I have laughed at so many examples of men and women not understanding one another. Perhaps a reason I laugh so deeply is that I can relate. I love my wife! Patti and I have been married over 25 years and intend on staying married for life. But, as well as we know one another, neither of us is a mind-reader, and we too often get in semantic arguments over what we meant by spoken words.

Communication specialists point out that when you talk with another person there are actually six messages that can come through.

1. What you mean to say.

2. What you actually say.

3. What the other person hears.

4. What the other person thinks he hears.

5. What the other person says about what you said.

6. What you think the other person said about what you said. (H. Norman Wright, Communication: Key to Your Marriage, 1974, p. 54)

Meaningful communication is hard work and takes time. If a person can overlook the actual words that are said and instead seek to understand the true intent behind the words, profound intimacy flourishes. Ultimately, meaning is in people, not in words. Francis of Assisi prayed, “Lord, grant that I may seek more to understand than to be understood.” Can you seek to understand your mate?

Back in 2002, before she married, my sister Kim emailed me the following “advice” regarding the some of the words that women use. Kim didn’t tell me who originally wrote it. I wonder if Kim passed these humorous instructional definitions to my brother-in-law.

WORDS WOMEN USE

“FINE”: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “Fine” to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
“FIVE MINUTES”: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
“NOTHING”: This means “something”, and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with “Fine” .
“GO AHEAD (RAISED EYEBROWS)”: This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.
“GO AHEAD (NORMAL EYEBROWS)”: This means “I give up” or “Do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a “Go Ahead (Raised Eyebrow)” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.
“LOUD SIGH”: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.
“SOFT SIGH”: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sigh” means that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
“THAT’S OKAY”: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with Raised Eyebrows.
“GO AHEAD”: At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
“PLEASE, DO”: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.
“THANKS A LOT”: This is not necessarily an appreciative recognition. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing”.

“THANKS”: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say, “you’re welcome”.