My Grandma Martin told me the story of a woman longingly reminiscing the days before her wedding. “Before we were married you called me an angel,” the wife complained. “And now you don’t call me anything!”
Her husband fist-bumped his chest and said, “You ought to be glad I possess such self-control.”
I think my Dad’s greatest premarital tip was: “Go into marriage eyes wide open, half shut afterward.” Get all the facts before you get married. Make sure you know all you can about the person you are considering marrying. There will be plenty that you need to overlook after the ceremony.
In fact, some of the very things you think are cute before marriage, become irritating over the years.
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” (Colossians 3:13 NLT)
“Put up with each other” (Colossians 3:13a CEV & GW)
You will destroy your marriage if you cannot learn to “put up with each other”. It sounds easy enough, but the walking out of it is harder than a two-year-old biscuit. Arguing over ever little issue erodes the foundation of martial life. Always pointing out the thing you don’t like, kills love.
I regularly have to remind myself of this. My wife is an excellent cook and I enjoy eating whatever she makes, but I have never liked the name she picked for one particular dish – “Mexican Goulash”. For some reason, that name doesn’t seem appetizing. Let me reiterate, I like Patti’s cooking! But, please, can we please call this dish by a new name. How about “Texas Stir-fry” or “Chili on a bed of rice and lettuce” or something else.
Okay, please drop those stones you are gathering to throw, I do appreciate my wife’s cooking. For whatever reason, I don’t like the name; don’t call it “Mexican Goulash”. After more than twenty-five years of marriage, you would probably think I would be “over” this already, but Patti rarely calls the dish by any other name. I think her mother coined the term. (Mema, what were you thinking?!?) About five years ago, Patti adopted “Texas Stir-Fry” for a few months, but when I keep complaining about the old name – she went back to the original.
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Honestly, does the name really matter? No, I tell myself. So why then, do I find myself still nitpicking about the name of that dish? Why haven’t I let it go? Apparently, I haven’t yet learned the lesson I am trying to communicate to you today. But, I am acknowledging that I have a problem. Nitpicking, nagging over trivial details, kills love. I have got to start overlooking!
“One word can start a war.” (Jewish Proverb)
“Quarrels are the weapons of the weak.” (Jewish Proverb)
A pastor in Texas introduced a sermon with an excellent story of how one woman handled the irritations of marriage:
There was once a couple who had been married for 60 years. Throughout their life they had shared everything. They loved each other deeply. They had not kept any secrets from one another, except for a small shoebox that the wife kept in the top shelf of her closet. When they got married, she put the box there and asked her husband never to look inside of it and never to ask questions about its contents.
For 60 years the man honored his wife’s request. In fact, he forgot about the box until a day when his wife grew gravely ill, and the doctors were sure she had no way of recovering. So the man, putting his wife’s affairs into order, remembered that box in the top of her closet, got it down, and brought it to her at the hospital. He asked her if perhaps now they might be able to open it. She agreed. They opened the box, and inside were two crocheted dolls and a roll of money that totaled $95,000. The man was astonished.
The woman told her husband that the day before they were married, her grandmother told her that if she and her husband were ever to get into an argument with one another, they should work hard to reconcile, and if they were unable to reconcile, she should simply keep her mouth shut and crochet a doll.
The man was touched by this, because there were only two crocheted dolls in the box. He was amazed that over 60 years of marriage, they apparently had had only two conversations that they were unable to reconcile. Tears came to his eyes, and he grew even more deeply in love with this woman. Then he asked about the roll of money. “What’s with this?” he asked.
His wife said, “Well, every time I crocheted a doll, I sold it to a local craft fair for five dollars.” (David Daniels, from sermon titled “Meditation”)
Stop nitpicking; start overlooking.
