Relationships

March 24, 2013

ADDICTED to HARMFUL WORDS?

Every one of us can testify to the impact of words. Every one of us has been inspired by uplifting words, and every one of us has experienced the pain of words carelessly spoken.

Unless you, or someone dear to you, have been the victim of terrible physical violence, chances are the worst pains you have suffered in life have come from words used cruelly – from ego-destroying criticism, excessive anger, sarcasm, public and private humiliation, hurtful nicknames, betrayal of secrets, rumors and malicious gossip. (Joseph Telushkin, Words That Hurt, Words That Heal, 1996, p. xviii)

“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” (Proverbs 18:21 MSG)

The story is told of an elderly mother during a hospital stay. Per normal procedure, she was asked if she was allergic to anything. She confessed to allergic reactions to certain types of fruit, specifically bananas. The nurse compiled the information and made the appropriate notation on the woman’s wristband. Several hours later, the lady’s grown daughter angrily stormed the nurse’s station demanding, “Who’s responsible for labeling my mother ‘bananas’?

As kids, we joked that sticks and stones were hurtful, but we all knew the truth – words are powerful. Why as adults do we so easily excuse sarcasm, criticism, and negativity? We playfully joke with one another, but do we realize the potency of our words?

Careless words bite! Are you addicted to harmful words? Author Joseph Telushkin puts that question into courageous perspective:

Over the past decade, whenever I have lectured throughout the country on “Words That Hurt, Words That Heal: How to Choose Words Wisely and Well,” I’ve asked my listeners if they can go for twenty-four hours without saying any unkind words about, or to, anybody.

Invariably, a minority raise their hands signifying yes, some people laugh, while quite a large number call out, “No!”

“All of you who can’t answer yes,” I respond, “must recognize how serious a problem you have. Because if I asked you to go for twenty-four hours without drinking liquor, and you said, ‘I can’t do that,’ I’d tell you, ‘Then you must recognize that you’re an alcoholic.’ And if I asked you to go for twenty-four hours without smoking a cigarette, and you said, ‘That’ impossible,’ that would mean that you’re addicted to nicotine.’ Similarly, if you can’t go for twenty-four hours without saying unkind words about others, then you’ve lost control over your tongue. (Words That Hurt, Words That Heal, p. xvii)

“Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation.” (Matthew 12:36-37 MSG)

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18 NIV84)

The unknown writer of the poem below echoes the wisdom of the ancients:

“The boneless tongue, so small and weak,
Can crush and kill,” declares the Greek.
“The tongue destroys a greater horde,”
The Turk asserts, “than does the sword.”
The Persian proverb wisely saith,
“A lengthy tongue—an early death!”
Or sometimes takes this form instead,
“Don’t let your tongue cut off your head.”
“The tongue can speak a word whose speed,”
Say the Chinese, “outstrips the steed.”
The Arab sages said in part,
“The tongue’s great storehouse is the heart.”
From Hebrew was the maxim sprung.
“Thy feet should slip, but ne’er the tongue.”
The sacred writer crowns the whole,
“Who keeps the tongue doth keep his soul.” (unknown, referenced in Spurgeon’s The Salt Cellars)

March 23, 2013

Teach Kids RESPECT

Respect is a virtue desperately needed in today’s world of rudeness. Its not just Aretha Franklin wishing for R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Rudeness at work is rampant, and it’s on the rise. Over the past 14 years we’ve polled thousands of workers about how they’re treated on the job, and 98 percent have reported experiencing uncivil behavior. In 2011 half said they were treated rudely [at work] at least once a week. [That’s a 100 percent increase from 1998.] (Christian Porath and Christine Pearson, “The Price of Incivility,” Harvard Business Review, January-February 2013)

Through a poll of 800 managers and employees they also discovered the costs of incivility. Among workers who have been on the receiving end of incivility:

48 percent decreased their work effort

47 percent decreased the time spent at work

80 percent lost work worrying about the incident

78 percent said their commitment to the organization declined

12 percent said they left their job because of the uncivil treatment

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The article in Harvard Business Review concluded with the following warning about incivility: “Just one habitually offensive employee critically positioned in your organization can cost you dearly in lost employees, lost customers, and lost productivity.” Rudeness is an issue that must be addressed, but teaching respect to adults is not much more difficult than teaching respect to children.

Parents must teach respect and pass along respect for authority to their children, since the home is the foundation for learning to respect authority. A child’s homelife either strengthens or weakens respect for authority and respect for people and respect for themselves. As a missionary kid in Africa and Taiwan, I learned the importance of respect not only toward authority, but for culture, language, people, and the Gospel.

How do you pass along the virtue of respect to your children? Here are seven ideas to help you.

#1 Be an example to your children by your speech, attitudes, and actions.

The respect you model will be followed; the disrespect you model will be followed. Love your spouse and respect your spouse’s authority. My parents modeled respect for authority, and my life benefited from those important lessons.

#2 Teach your children to respect YOUR authority.

You powerfully equip your kids to respect others when you teach them to respect your authority. If God gave you children, then He holds you responsible to act like a parent.

#3 Make time to train your family spiritually.

Spend time with your family as a group and make time for one-on-one, face-to-face encounters with your child. Don’t pass off your responsibility to be spiritually mature. Be the parent, the spiritual leader, of your home. A leader “must be in control of their own families, and they must see that their children are obedient and always respectful.” (1 Timothy 3:4 CEV) Operate your household with authority and love.

#4 Don’t allow unresolved conflicts or strained relationships to fester or boil.

You don’t want your prayers blocked or cut off (1 Peter 3:7). Don’t provoke your children to anger by your own harshness, unfairness, or insecurity.

#5 Discipline in love.

“A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them.” (Proverbs 13:24 MSG) Discipline immediately and consistently. “Parents, do not treat your children in such a way as to make them angry. Instead, raise them with Christian discipline and instruction.” (Ephesians 6:4 GNT)

#6 Get a job or increase your income to support your children.

Provide the food and care your children need. Attend to the needs of your family. “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8 NIV)

#7 Pray for your family daily, multiple times per day.

You know you ought to pray, you know God answers prayer, but are you actually praying for family? Lay hands on your kids and bless them before they leave for school or any activity. Your prayer cover inspires respect. Pray!

Evaluate yourself and remove hindrances to your parental leadership. You have the responsibility of teaching your children to respect authority. Your leadership at home is vital. The Maxwell Leadership Bible (p. 1442) alliterates six categories, six questions for evaluating your leadership in your home:

Initiative: Do I give direction and take responsibility for my primary relationships?
Intimacy: Do I experience intimacy with God and others through open conversation?
Influence: Do I exercise Biblical influence by encouraging and developing others?
Integrity: Do I lead an honest life, unashamed of who I am when no one is looking?
Identity: Am I secure in who I am in Christ? Or am I defensive?
Inner Character: Do I exhibit the fruit of the Spirit in my life, including self-discipline?

March 22, 2013

4 Types of Authority

Respect frames civilized living and refined society. Healthy stable families are erected on respect. Lack of respect corrodes and decays civilization. Of the Ten Commandments, four relate to treatment of God and the remaining six speak to treatment of people. Those commands boil down to an issue of respect, particularly a respect of authority.

We are to respect authority. The Bible draw attention to at least four types of authority: Divine authority, civil (governmental) authority, church (ecclesiastical) authority, and parental authority.

#1 DIVINE AUTHORITY

Divine authority is God’s possession. God’s your friend, but He’s not your “buddy”. He is to be respected. We are all to live in the reverential fear and respect of the Lord.

Jesus said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me” (Matthew 28:18). This authority is in part delegated or entrusted to other spheres of authority on earth.

#2 CIVIL AUTHORITY

Paul commands believers to submit and to respect governing authorities:

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. For he is God’s servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God’s servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. (Romans 13:1-7 NIV)

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#3 CHURCH AUTHORITY

The writer of Hebrews addresses the submissive respect of believers to church leaders. “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.” (Hebrews 13:17 NIV)

#4 PARENTAL AUTHORITY

Respect for parental authority yields blessings.

Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:1-3 NLT)

The home is where the foundation for learning to respect authority. A child’s homelife either strengthens or weakens respect for authority. Parents must pass respect for authority on to their children.

I want my daughters to appreciate God-ordained authority.

March 20, 2013

7 Steps For Good Habits

I am not sure who originally authored the steps below. I cannot remember from whom I picked it up and I think I have altered them. I have used the ideas for several years, so by some “preacher standards” – they are mine now! The wisdom is too good not to share.

Here are seven practical steps to start, establish, and maintain good habits.

Step One: Desire

You must start with a strong desire. You must be internally motivated. External motivations don’t last. If you start only half-heartedly, you will never make it to the success point. “The desire of the righteous turns out well, but the hope of the wicked leads to wrath.” (Proverbs 11:23 HCSB)

Step Two: Decide

Begin right now! Don’t wait. Don’t procrastinate. You don’t slide into a new habit. “One of these days” never arrives. You must have a starting point. “And you must keep on while there is still a time that can be called ‘today’.” (Hebrews 3:13b CEV) It’s easier to break a bad habit today than it will be tomorrow!

Step Three: Declaration

Announce your intentions publicly. Make a covenant or resolution. The power of a vow is awesome. “When you make a vow to the Lord your God, be prompt in fulfilling whatever you promised him.” (Deuteronomy 23:21a NLT) It is particularly powerful if you put your commitment in writing.

Step Four: Determination

It has been observed that Pancreatitis affects over 80000 Americans annually and African Americans aged between 35-64 years discount viagra continue reading to find out more have 10 times more chances of suffering from this problem. It also helps to enhance important site cheapest generic tadalafil the cognitive functioning of the brain. buy generic cialis These soft forms of the sildenafil tablet have the unique specifications. Along with intake of this herbal supplement, you should read the effectiveness of the herbs in addressing the root cause and improving the health. cialis on line Never allow an exception until the new habit is securely rooted in your life. Each lapse will be fatal. A single slip unwinds many turns at first. Continuity and success at the start is essential. Never be swayed by “just this once”. The act of yielding weakens the will and reinforces your lack of self-control. It takes 3 weeks to become comfortable with a new habit and it takes another 3 to 4 weeks (doing it daily) for it to become a part of your life.

Remember, the enemy does not want you to develop habits that help you grow spiritually and make you like Christ. “They [Folks opposing Nehemiah] were just trying to intimidate us, imagining that they could discourage us and stop the work. So I continued the work with even greater determination.” (Nehemiah 6:9 NLT) Satan will do all he can to tempt you, cause you to slip, or discourage you.

Step Five: Just Do It!

Whenever you feel the slightest urge or prompting to practice this new habit – DO IT THEN! Don’t wait. Seize every opportunity to reinforce your habit. Those feelings will not last, so whenever you feel inclined to perform your new habit, do so! Jesus said, “No procrastination. No backward looks. You can’t put God’s kingdom off till tomorrow. Seize the day.” (Luke 9:62 MSG)

Step Six: Double Up

Get a partner who will support you and encourage you. Choose wisely. “Don’t be fooled: Bad friends will ruin good habits.” (1 Corinthians 15:33 ERV) Find someone who is willing to hold you accountable and check up on you especially in the early days before the habit is firmly rooted in your life.

Step Seven: Depend on God

Rely on God’s power to help you establish the habit. “And now just as you trusted Christ to save you, trust Him, too, for each day’s problems; live in vital union with Him.” (Colossians 2:6 LIVING) Pray! Yield to the Holy Spirit. Draw from God’s gracious strength. Keep going. You are walking into a good habit.

March 13, 2013

If you were another person, would you like to be a friend of yours?

Life is more meaningful when shared.

Patti is my very best friend. She knows me best and still loves me. Praise the Lord! I also get to labor alongside of friends at Valley Fellowship Church. “Fellowship” is so much more than just the middle name of our congregation. I get to lead a great church. I love my church family!

Do you have a friend who sticks by you even after getting to know you really well? A good friend will tell you your faults and foolishness when prosperity rolls, and assist you with a hand and heart when adversity strikes. A wise person fortifies his or her life with Godly friendships. Make friends before you need them!

Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. And on a cold night, two under the same blanket can gain warmth from each other. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NLT)

A healthy friendship has great benefits including (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12):

Success
Encouragement
Defense
Strength

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Here are four keys to help you become the friend other people want!

#1 A friend is trustworthy.

“No one who gossips can be trusted with a secret, but you can put confidence in someone who is trustworthy.” (Proverbs 11:13 GNT)
“In the heat of an argument, don’t betray confidences; Word is sure to get around, and no one will trust you.” (Proverbs 25:9-10 MSG)

#2 A friend shares joys and sorrows and doesn’t desert in times of trouble.

“Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble.” (Proverbs 17:17 MSG)
“Some friends play at friendship but a true friend sticks closer than one’s nearest kin.” (Proverbs 18:24 NRSV)

#3 A friend communicates directly and honestly.

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” (Proverbs 17:17 NLT)
“If you and your neighbor have a difference of opinion, settle it between yourselves and do not reveal any secrets.” (Proverbs 25:9 GNT)
“You can trust what your friend says, even when it hurts. But your enemies want to hurt you, even when they act nice.” (Proverbs 27:6 ERV)
“The sweet smell of perfume and oils is pleasant, and so is good advice from a friend.” (Proverbs 27:9 NCV)

#4 A friend sticks up for you even when you’re not there and guards your reputation.

“You will keep your friends if you forgive them, but you will lose your friends if you keep talking about what they did wrong.” (Proverbs 17:9 CEV)
“If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” (Galatians 5:15 NIV)

A faithful friend will think of you when all others are thinking of themselves and will see you through when others see you as through. If you were another person, would you like to be a friend of yours?

March 10, 2013

Looking For Love

Have you ever gone looking for love, or for acceptance, or to have your needs met outside of God’s plan for your life?

Do any of you remember Johnny Lee’s 1980 chart-topping-single “Looking for Love”? I didn’t see Urban Cowboy (the movie that introduced the song), but the song got LOTS of radio airplay on my school bus. I wasn’t a country music fan, but I can still recall the lyrics, “Looking for love in all the wrong places. Looking for love in too many faces, searching their eyes, looking for traces of what I’m dreaming of . . .”

The Old Testament offers a great example of someone who went looking in the wrong place. David had no business living in the land of the Philistines (1 Samuel 27, 29). Here are two big reasons for NOT living in Philistia:

David was already anointed to be king (1 Samuel 16). He couldn’t be killed and fulfill God’s plan.
God warned the Israelis of the dangers of close relations with sinful outsiders.

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David and his loyal band of misfits become pirates and liars while living in Philistia. Could the bad influence of the people around whom David chose to live be the reason nothing is said about God for the 16 months David lives in Ziklag?

I know that Saul repeatedly tried to kill David, but God delivered David every time. Why did David no longer trust God’s protection in Israel? I think David suffered from three common worries.

#1 “I’m not sure my needs will be met.”

#2 “I don’t want to get rejected by my peer group.”

#3 “I want to feel accepted or loved.”

David suffered from that internal need for acceptance – to the extreme he was willing to seek it from a Philistine king. David tried in vain to meet his own needs. David certainly got no sense of peace from King Saul but King Achish of Gath was the wrong place to go looking.

Too often people seek out the wrong folks for security. God hasn’t called you to live life outside the community of faith. David’s decision to seek acceptance outside of Israel ended horribly. Ultimately David and his men get rejected by the Philistines who refuse to fight alongside of them. David even gets rejected by his own men when they return from being rejected by the Philistines. Finally, David recognizes his mistake.

Even after his experience in Ziklag, David struggled with this same kind of concerns, but David takes his emotions to the right place. Instead of looking for love in the wrong place, David goes to the Lord directly. I appreciate David’s willingness to bare his unprocessed sentiments in open worship.

“O Lord, why do you stand so far away? Why do you hide when I am in trouble?” (Psalm 10:1 NLT)
“Quick, God, I need your helping hand! The last decent person just went down, All the friends I depended on gone. Everyone talks in lie language; Lies slide off their oily lips. They doubletalk with forked tongues.” (Psalm 12:1-2 MSG)
“My God, my God, why have you deserted me? Why do you seem to be so far away when I need you to save me? Why do you seem to be so far away that you can’t hear my groans?” (Psalm 22:1 NIRV) Every human knows this concern. Jesus used the words from this Psalm while hanging on the cross.

Your circumstances may be quite different than David’s, yet you feel those same pressure points of worry and concern. What will you do with them? Take time today to read all of Psalm 10, 12, and 22. See how the Psalmist David learned to handle those raw emotions.

God is never threatened by your honesty in prayer and worship. He knows everything about you and still invites you to come to Him. Get God’s perspective on your life. Don’t look for love in the wrong place. You are called to respond in faith to trials and difficulties in life.

For more insight into David’s Ziklag experience, check out http://www.pastorgreg.org/distressed-3-sources-to-encourage-yourself/.

March 9, 2013

Be the Right Person

Do you want to have a great marriage? Prepare early and start now. Start praying for your spouse now. “But I am not married yet” is no excuse for not praying. “But I am already married” is no excuse for not praying. Get it? Start now!

Single but wanting to get married? Ask God what are the qualities and characteristics that He wants in your spouse. Don’t let go of your vision! Use those characteristics as a guide to find the person God-picked for you. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. As you believe and pray, expect God to refine those desires. Allow Him to adjust unrealistic or dysfunctional thought patterns inside of you. When God gives you insight into the qualities that He wants in your spouse, hold on to that picture.

Long before you are married, use that list to help you weed out the ones that don’t match up. I had several things I knew God wanted for me in a partner. That list helped me, confirmed that Patti was the one for me. I can still remember my excitement as a student at Oral Roberts University, when I knew that she was the one. Patti is beautiful inside and out! I love my wife.

Singles, keep your standards high and live those standards. If you want to marry the right kind of person, BE that right kind of person.

That axiom applies to you that are already married. If you wish to be married to the right kind of person, be that right kind of person. It’s the Golden Rule – do to others as you would have them to do you. It’s virtuous practice – to see the change, be the change. It’s righteous routine – be holy for God is holy. It’s seed faith living – give of yourself first and expect God’s return.

Married but wanting to see a change in your relationship? Ask God what are the qualities and characteristics that He wants in your life. Don’t let go of your vision! Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. As you believe and pray, expect God to refine those desires. Allow Him to adjust unrealistic or dysfunctional thought patterns inside of you. Start with yourself but also invite the Holy Spirit to do His transformational work in your spouse. If God gives you insight into the qualities that He wants in your spouse, pray and hold on to that picture, but don’t try to do the Holy Spirit’s job.

March 8, 2013

Good Marriages Don’t Just Happen

Good marriages demand effort and attention. There is no magic trick to pull off a good marriage. If you want a good marriage, it takes work. A refrigerator can be plugged in the electrical outlet and run fine for years without maintenance, but marriage is NOT an appliance. Marriage is a God-ordained relationship that must be cultivated and cherished, never neglected.

Here are five areas that demand attention for a good marriage.

#1 PRAY TOGETHER: Release God to work in your marriage. You have not because you ask not. Pray together; stay together.

#2 TALK TOGETHER: Actually talk to one another about everything – feelings, frustrations, hopes, happiness. Turn off the media, look at one another, and have a conversation about life.

#3 EAT TOGETHER: Don’t let our society steal the connection that comes when people share food together. The early church benefited from eating together and you and your spouse will benefit too!

#4 PLAY TOGETHER: Play a game, watch movie, or take a walk. Spend time together on a short vacation. Do you share a hobby? When was your last date with your spouse?

#5 SERVE TOGETHER: Find an area where you and spouse can serve your local congregation together. Couples make great teams for evangelistic outreach, kids’ teaching, prayer ministry, usher helps, greeter smiles, nursery diaper-changing, mission trips, and more! Serve the House of God and serve your house. Share household responsibilities. Can you work together to get the house, the lawn, or the checkbook done?

Good marriages don’t just happen; they take work but God will help you. Allow the Lord to soften your heart.

February 25, 2013

God Blessed THEM

Following the creation account of Genesis 1:26-27, the Word reveals that “God blessed them (Genesis 1:28 NIV).” Genesis 5:2 also mentions that He “blessed them.” Both male and female share the blessing of God. I may put more prominence upon this “blessing” than some, but it’s important to recognize that “BLESSING” was God’s objective.

Working together we take pleasure in the call and blessing of God. Male and female can be blessed.

The Lord wants to bless His children. The Lord wants to bless His best creation. The Lord wants to bless you! Receiving God’s blessing is for everyone.

Each of us can be saved through faith in Jesus Christ. “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God – children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” (John 1:12-13 NIV) Each of us can experience a daily, personal walk and relationship with God. Through Jesus Christ we can enjoy God’s astonishing presence. Each of us can experience Spirit Baptism. Each of us can be healed in answer to the believing prayer. Each of us can be strengthened by the marvelous move of His grace.
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Male and female are God’s valued creation and He wants to bless us. “Whether someone is a man or woman, employer or employee, Jew or Gentile, black or white, rich or poor, healthy or ill, strong or weak, attractive or unattractive, extremely intelligent or slow to learn, all are equally valuable to God and should be equally valuable to one another as well.” (Wayne Grudem, Bible Doctrine, 1999, p. 202) You are God’s valued creation!

Heed the wisdom of the Roman philosopher Cicero, “A person who is to be happy must actively enjoy his blessings.”

Say it to yourself, “I am God’s valued creation.” Allow the Lord to heal any bruise or hurt within you. Allow Him to touch your heart and give you peace. Allow Him to bring encouragement to you personally. You are not a second-class creation or below the standard where He will bless. God has not formed you to allow inferiority to preside over your mind. Let Him renew your sense of value, knowing that you belong to Him. Allow Him to restore your value. Allow Him to revive your purpose. You are God’s valued creation.

February 24, 2013

Male & Female: Shared Rulership

Male and female are designed by God to co-labor together with Him. When Patti (my wife!) was five years old, she told her dad, “God just told me , I’m going to be a preacher.”

Wirt (my father-in-law) chuckled, “Is that right?”

“Well, I will either marry a preacher, or he will marry one, or both!” Patti insisted. Even at that young age in Boise, Idaho, she recognized God’s call upon her life. Guess what? She married a preacher and so did I!

I knew I wanted a partner in ministry, too. I met Patti during my sophomore year at Oral Roberts University, and I quickly determined she was the one I was to marry. A couple of weeks after asking her out, I had the opportunity to hear Patti lead a brother-sister wing devotional in the Fireside Room on campus. I think she had 12 or more pages of notes, barely got through three of them, but I was hooked! Without a doubt, she had the mantle of ministry. Actually, Patti is a better communicator than me. I get to preach publicly much more than she does, but she is definitely my partner in ministry. I need her; she needs me. We aren’t perfect, but together, we get to lead one of the best congregations in the world!

Male and female need one another. One is not inferior; the other is not superior – male and female are designed by God to be co-workers, co-laborers.

Within God’s original creation, both man and woman shared responsibility for the garden. Male and female were co-regents over the abundance of God’s creation. The command of Genesis 1:26 expresses shared dominion: “Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’” (NASB)

God’s command was given to them, not him. God’s original statement must govern our thinking on this subject! Ha’adam, with the definite article ha, used in Genesis 1:26, 27 for “man,” is not the proper name Adam with an article. Ha’adam is a generic term meaning “humanity” or “mankind.” That’s why the plural “them” is used. If God meant a single person, the pronoun, “I,” “he,” or “him” would have been used, but not “them.” This text tells us God did not give His command to rule just to one person, but to all humanity, including the soon-to-be-made woman. (Charles Trombley, Who Said Women Can’t Teach?, 1985, p. 67)

Both shared individual responsibility and dominion over the garden, animals, and soon-to-be-kids, but not necessarily the same responsibilities. They are equal, but still distinct from one another. This does not mean that men and women should perform all the same responsibilities. God has made clear distinctions between us.

For example, male and female are not interchangeable as marriage partners. To put it more clearly, a man isn’t to marry a man, and a woman isn’t to marry a woman. Men are not made to carry a baby through pregnancy and childbirth. Praise God! There was a distinction between male and female, but teamwork was an ingredient in Adam and Eve’s relationship and responsibility. Fulfilling God’s will requires teamwork.

I am not trying to beat up on men, but the concept of teamwork seems far removed from the out-of-balance domination that characterizes many husband-wife relationships. The New Testament does teach “headship” of the man within marriage, but loving leadership is not abusive or domineering. Submission does not equal stupidity. Wives, your opinion counts! You have been put together for a purpose. We need one another. We accomplish more as a team.

Some men ask, “What about Genesis 3:16? Didn’t the Lord tell me to rule?” Let’s take into account that verse. Rulership of the man over the woman was not a part of the original created order. “Rule” was the result of the Fall. The statement of Genesis 3:16 is a declaration, a prediction.

To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 NASB)

As I researched his verse, several people adeptly clarify the “rule” referred to in Genesis 3:16, and richly reveal the tenor of this verse:

“Results of the fall of man can never be construed as God’s divine order for him. God told Adam he was going to eat by the sweat of his brow (see Gen. 3:19), but that was a consequence of sin rather than God’s divine intention for him.” (Fuchsia Pickett, “Equal In Creation,” SpiritLed Woman, June/July 1999, p. 14)
“If God ordered such a command, the verb “shall” or “will” would have been in the imperative mood – a command . . . this verb is in the simple imperfect, and not a command at all . . .The imperative is only found in the present tense, so this simple imperfect tense prevents translation of “shall” as a command. It doesn’t say man “shall” but “will” rule her; it’s not a command but a consequence. God did not tell Eve she must bear children, but that she would. He didn’t tell Adam “you must” work by the sweat of your brow, but “you will.” He didn’t say that men must rule and dominate women, but that they will!” (Trombley, p. 112-113)
Genesis 3:16 “is not a prescription of what should be, but a description of what happens through sin where redemption is not overcoming the effects of the fall.” (John Piper and Wayne Grudem, “Charity, Clarity, and Hope: The Controversy and the Cause of Christ,” Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, 2001, http://www.cbmw.org/resources/articles/cberesponse.html)
“God created the man and woman to be a team with a corporate destiny bigger than both of them separately . . . to be able to accomplish something higher than each of them could do alone.” (Cindy Jacobs, Women of Destiny, 1998, p. 209)

God expected the man and woman to work together in order to achieve His purposes. Teamwork is required. Enjoying vital relationships requires teamwork. God expects male and female to work together in order to achieve His purposes.

We can be laborers together.